Thoughts of a Sprite

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

I Am

I needed to vent, didn't want to bother anyone with my innermost turmoil's, and though I am strong I am still human... I wish to be over these things once and for all. Do they ever go away? Will the past, that was not my fault, haunt me forever? My current living situation is not helping things. I love my mother, and she needs my help both financially and emotionally, to help her deal with her side of the issues. I don't deal with things as she does... I don't know how anybody that has been dealt a second chance at happiness, can overlook all the positive things in their life, and dwell only on the negativity of the past... But that is a constant reminder to me, and it is not healthy.

I don't know if this constitutes a poem or not, but I do know it came from my heart. It doesn't rhyme, but it does have a certain flow. Again, I am tired of hiding from it, it is past time to air it out and let it heal! The he in these writings are a multitude of hes... There were three, a babysitter, a step father, and my father... all just icing on the cake...

I am a product of my surroundings.
He beat me and I am tougher.
He raped me and I value innocence.
He degraded me and I refused to believe.

She was weak, and fell into a depression
That she never quite escaped.
I watched and I am stronger.
I experienced first hand, the effects
that one persons chemical dependency
can have on an entire family.

I will not make those mistakes,
I refuse to succumb to those ultimate
WEAKNESSES

I hurt too, but I channel those pains
to bettering myself.
I could sit here feeling pity,
but I still see where that leads,
NOWHERE

I feel an empty anger
at the weakness of others.
If I can prevail why can't she?
My hell was far worse than can be imagined
I was a child, innocent, in every meaning of the word
They were supposed to protect and love me,
but I do not question why.
I do not wish that these events never transpired
They played an important role in making me who
I am.

I am dealt adversity, and I will win my hand.
I am

shes_a_sprite @ 8:29 AM.

1 comments

Rachel said...

I can not tell you how happy I am to see this. Of course this constitutes a poem and thank goodness it does not rhyme because it is crystal clear that this came from the darkest parts within. The different emotions expressed here are marvelous. A tiny typo in the second stanza 2nd line "quite". I am proud and excited and oh so happy because I know how good it feels to let this out ;) Keep it up, you are so strong and awesome! :)

3:29 PM